Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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