Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
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some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
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We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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