is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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