You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
