Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
