problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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