Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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