You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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