yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
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Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
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Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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