I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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