dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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