Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
