who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
