and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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