dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
