its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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