the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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