So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
