So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
