if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
