Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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