The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
