Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
