Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
