last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
