Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just want nice things and good sex
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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