Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
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