yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
