I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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