We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
