she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
