eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
