I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
