my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
