i just had sex bonerless
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
