tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
