"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
