I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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