I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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