She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
