her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
