I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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