I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
