mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
