Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You made out with two different species that night
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
