So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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