he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
