walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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