We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
