Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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