I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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