You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize