8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
