I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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