I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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