I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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