Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
