i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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