Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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