***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
