she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
