This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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