....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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