About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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