My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
