Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just had sex bonerless
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
