well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
