Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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