I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
