Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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