apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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