i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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