it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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