I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
