and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
