I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
