He had one of those small greek statue penises
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
