But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
