i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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