you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
