I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we made out on top of his cat.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
