I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
