I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
