dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
