Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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