Non-Jews are for practice
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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